What Will You Tell Yourself in 20 Years?

Graduation time is upon us - so much has been learned, so much learning awaits. Some things are cool to learn, some not ~ I wish I’d learned more from others and spared myself a lot of pain. So, to my students (and friends & clients of all ages), here’s some advice that those of us who graduated in the 20th century wish we’d learned upon entering the ‘‘real world.” Please add some and share them with me!

• Show, don't tell;

• Know what you can, and can’t, control;

• Show up!! Be Present!! Don’t wait around for things to come to you!

• Use your skills & interests (you have more than you think) - the more you say it, the more you become it! Volunteer! Engage!

• Be your own best advocate - don’t wait for someone else - talk about your talents & victories;

• Don’t be afraid to fail - it’s a form of learning & applying … and it means you tried;

• You may be able to have it all - but not all at once;

• Just because you get along well with your peers, doesn’t mean you’ll be a good manager;

• It’s good to feel out of your depth - it means you’re learning;

• Talk to people, ask them about their stories, meet them where they are - and say Thank you!

• Be willing to take time ‘off’ your career path for a sabbatical if you want;

• Change on a dime by putting in a nickel;

• Experience!

• Love yourself and those around you;

• Be joyful - it’s more meaningful and lasting than being happy;

• Ask for help! Not knowing takes guts, courage and it’s how we learn;

• Say yes to more hard things than you want to do - grow your comfort zone;

• If you believe it can be awesome, it can;

• Don’t be surprised by your successes!

• Always do something for someone else, always give back;

• Be curious, open and skeptical;

• …

3 Key Questions #LifebyDesign

There's tons of questions we can ask ourselves to assess our lives, careers, goals, etc.  Studies have been done and courses taught on scientifically proven methods to do this assessment.  For me, questions should get us to think, to dig deeper and to look at possibilities - not to lead to quick, "do this and you'll be happy" answers.  So here are the 3 questions I ask to start a Life by Design.

“What do you like/love to do and are good/great at doing?”

Make a list! These can be hobbies, skills, work, stuff you like learning or doing, anything - don't restrict yourself, take a holistic approach of you - personal, professional, academic, etc. And, if you want, try prioritizing them.  You want to do a lot of these things in your life.

“What DON’T you like/love to do and are good/great at doing?”

Make another list.  Same guidelines as above -  hobbies, skills, work, learning, etc. and try to prioritize them.  The goal is to minimize these - maybe you can even eliminate doing some of them, but we all have to do things we don't like so at least do less of them.

“What do you want to learn, explore, discover, experience in the next 2, 3 or 5 years?”

A few years ago, one of my students asked me to help her lay out her 10 year plan.  I told her to write it down, put it in a drawer and then we'd talk about the next 2-5 years. Our world is changing too fast to plan what we will or want to do 10 years out, but we can plan, to a degree, who we want to be, what we will stand for, and what we won't stand for. 

Think about the next 2-3 years, maybe 5. What do you want to learn, explore, discover, and/or experience? Learn how to code, make bookshelves, do graphic design, become a product manager for 3D-printed products, understand the Patagonian ecosystem, discover biomedical uses of Antarctic sea anemones, para-sail?  Here's mine ->

Start thinking about the steps you can take to start! What does it entail? Who do you know who can help or inform you? What 1 or 2 small things can you do tomorrow to start? Go for it!

How to Create an Amazing Life by Design ~ 5 Fundamentals

Two and a half years ago, I was invited to share my story, Life by Design, at Brown University's Creative Mind Lecture series.  Since then, it's taken on a life of its own with my mentees who now use it as a noun.  They've asked me to formalize it in case I get hit by a bus, so here's the start.

After several years of mentoring and advising, I've discovered 5 (at least) fundamentals to creating an amazing Life by Design (through very non-scientific methods).

1. Very little you do in life is irrevocable.

Aside from dying, very few of the choices we make in life are permanent and can't be undone, redone, mitigated or benefited from.  Even losing a limb is no longer necessarily life-altering.  Once we view life that way, opportunities are endless sources of learning and exploration.  We don't need to be afraid that if we do X today, we're stuck doing X for the rest of our life.

2. There are many paths, solutions, answers, right choices - not just 1.

Following #1 above, rarely in life is there just one way to do something - there are many ways.  Many times we feel the path a role model or someone we admire took is the only path to get to the same place. Unfortunately, our education system reinforces the one way - there is THE right answer or way not A right answer or way.  Well, guess what, rarely is that the case.  Life isn't binary.

3. Your major or job isn't destiny.

The world tells us that our college major and even our current job is destiny.  Engineers should only look for engineering jobs, not design, product management, etc.  English majors should only look for writing or PR jobs, not design, product management, etc.  Drop the "should" - it's a horrible word!  Our job or major is not our destiny.  By looking at how that major or job has taught us to think, approach problems, communicate, see connections and patterns, apply to different situations, we can use our experience in so many ways!

4. "Man plans, G-d Laughs"

This age old yiddish proverb is so true.  A student came to me a few years ago asking for help laying out her 10yr plan. 10 years!!!! I told her to write something out, put it in a drawer and then come back and we'd discuss the next 2-3 years.  Think about life in 2-3 (maybe up to 5) year chunks - what do we want to learn, experience, explore, discover over the next 2-3 years, why, and what are the best places and ways to do that! Yup, it's that simple... but not easy.

5. Experiment -> Learn -> Apply -> Iterate

At the age 99.5, my grandmother said, "The day you stop learning is the day you die." Life, personal and professional, is a continuous experiment - we try things, we hopefully learn, we apply those learnings and experiment again - til we die.  Learn to be curious, love to learn, try stuff - often, question your assumptions, question your questions, as why, why not, what if, and one of my favorites, where is it written (e.g., is it a rule or guideline?). 

Next week? I'll share my view of Life as lego blocks! Your comments and thoughts are welcome!